Kristalizing 2015, Cheers to 2016!

I hope that in this year to come, you make mistakes. Because if you are making mistakes, then you are making new things, trying new things, learning, living, pushing yourself, changing yourself, changing your world. You’re doing things you’ve never done before, and more importantly, you’re doing something.

-Neil Gaiman

It’s been way too long since I wrote my last entry so before the year ends, just wanna share my thoughts and experiences for the past four months since I moved to Seoul. This entry would be the perfect time to look at those moments that summed up the later part of my 2015.

People always say the beginning is always the hardest and now I understand why. It’s a cliché how I always had this expectation of the great things to come and everything would just magically change since I’m embarking on something new. You know, just like in those movies where the heroine moves to a new city and everything just clicks into place, hahaha.

Featured Soundtrack: MIKA-Live Your Life

Well, expectations are always better or worse than reality, just depends on how you handle them.

The thing I feared most in the beginning was that I had such a wonderful time in the language year that I wouldn’t be able to have a repeat in the Masters. But the crazy thing was, on the other hand I couldn’t be more excited to begin something new again. I’ve always loved the chaos of discoveries and the thrill of new adventures.

Talking in the train cafeteria that moving day, the five of us had no idea of the changes that were in store for us the moment we set foot in Seoul.

So let me start with the house.  I moved in to a share house with five other amazing girls from Mexico, Germany, France and Korea. We were a mixture of different personalities it was funny how we got along so well. The two months I stayed in the share house served as a training for me to refine my “cooking expertise”. Since I was the only one who uses our kitchen, it afforded me the chance to experiment with my creativity and my housemates were the lucky taste testers. Needless to say, thanks to their patience for putting out with my weird concoctions (Carbonarra with hard-boiled egg), I improved my cooking pretty well, lol. Thanks so much girls!

Now let me introduce my school. My University is known as the Hogwarts of Korea, with all the fancy European architecture of the building and white-washed halls. It’s a part of the S-K-Y trinity of University in Korea. Everyone just wants to reach the sky but only a lucky few will be chosen. I should be proud considering I’m one of the lucky few but now that I look at it, you’re not missing out that much even if you don’t reach it. It’s not about the University, it’s about whether you like what you’re learning or in some cases, whether you’re even learning at all. (Just ask my friends who’ve got their courses in full Korean, mine was just half ;)

However, I can also understand why these Universities have a good reputation. After one semester, you can really feel the blood, sweat and tears since you have to put more effort to be deserving of your spot. They really do put a premium on the standard of excellence, especially when you’ve got the best Professors who are actually known in their field so it follows that they have these ridiculously challenging requirements.

October was the month when homesickness hit me the most, and now I’ve got two hometowns to miss. Settling in wasn’t easy especially since you got used to doing everything with your friends that you didn’t have to worry about where to eat or who to eat with. We knew Orangetown like the back of our hands and now Seoul was suddenly a maze that needs to be solved.

I missed the times when I can easily just go to the next room and have a chat or sleepover with my closest friends but now, it takes a subway or train just to spend time with them. I missed having the 3am talk with my roommate. I missed each and every one in their own way. I missed the complaining blabber, the annoying way they can read my mind, the way they always did even the smallest things for me, the way they granted me favors, the way they would reenact my mannerisms (jumping, clapping with glee), but most of all I missed the way they can easily make me laugh when I don’t even want to smile.

It didn’t also help that my major courses were actually offered in Korean. I found it frustrating that by the end of two years, people will actually think you are an expert in your field not knowing most of it was a waste.

Featured Soundtrack:  See You Again- Wiz Khalifa

At the end of October, I chose to turn things around. I decided to distract myself so I wouldn’t think much of the things I missed. The first thing I did was move to a one-room. I know it may seem counterproductive at first, how would choosing to be alone instead of living with people supposed to make you feel better?

But since this is the first time I’m living alone, it was a huge challenge for me to do things by myself. It made me focus my time in learning to be more responsible and devote all my effort to actually being a real adult for the first time in my life.

I became the queen of do-it-yourself. I remembered the time when I spent four hours assembling a simple DIY closet. I wanna scream in frustration as I tried to decipher how the metals should be connected. I thought it would be just as easy as putting puzzle pieces together, little did I know I was so wrong.  I managed to assemble it but without incurring a few cuts in my hand. It was the first time I felt like crying since I never had to worry about those things before and I had no one to call to do it for me. I always had it easy, there were always my parents or my friends whom I can depend on whenever I needed anything. Sitting alone in my room surrounded by scraps of metal, that’s when I realized that if I couldn’t even assemble a simple closet then I should forget about living alone for two years. So I picked myself up, read the manual again (it was in Chinese, so give me a break, hahaha), and started slowly putting the metals together.

Featured Soundtrack: Titanium- David Guetta

For someone who’s been sheltered and pampered for 24 years, adjusting to the life of being alone was daunting. It was tough in the beginning but now, I found solitude in my independence. I’m proud of the woman I’ve become who can actually do things for herself.

Then, I took a part-time job teaching English. Not only does it help me pay the bills, it made me reconnect to the work that I originally loved. After a year being a student, it felt good again to be in-charge. I always find it a joy whenever I’m interacting with my students. Communicating with them is a breather from the real-life adult world where we sometimes even forget to live. The kids always made me feel there’s always something more out of life. And being their teacher, there’s nothing more I want for them than to learn the lesson that what is essential is always invisible to the eye. (yes, I got that from the Little Prince) Considering the competitive society they will eventually face, I can only wish they don’t lose their light.

Adding to the part-time job, what took most of my time was travelling and volunteer activities. I guess travelling would always be a part of me. There’s always something about discovering a new place that makes me feel alive. I just have to be always on the move. My Korean friends would even make a comment that I’ve explored Korea more than any of them. I’ve been to places that they don’t even know exist. From North to South, West to East, I’ve mapped out most of the attractions that Korea has to offer. And that’s when I learn most, not when I’m confined to the four corners of the classroom. (And no, I’m not just making an excuse for being lazy in my studies, lol  J ) I often tell my friends that if travelling was free, they would probably never see me again.

Featured Soundtrack: Pocketful of Sunshine- Natasha Bedingfield

Looking back at it, I can say that the most memorable events of my stay here in Korea actually happened when I was travelling. 

Top of my list was river rafting. I’ve always been afraid of water sports. You see, I really never learned how to swim and it’s funny considering that I come from a country surrounded by water. You can just imagine how terrifying it was for me to hold my balance in a boat, brave the river currents while fervently praying that I don’t fall off since that would definitely be the end of me, lol.

Next one was the Daegaya Lights Festival. I can say that it was truly the most magical experience I’ve had.  The fireworks at Disneyland during my birthday don’t even come close to the experience of seeing hundreds of colorful lanterns light up the darkest of nights. What made it even special was that our wishes were actually written in those lanterns so sending them to the night sky just gives you that hopeful feeling.

Featured Soundtrack: Vanilla Twilight- Owl City

The last one was our island-hopping trip. Oedo Botania is the place I’m really gonna head off to again given the chance. That island was just too beautiful for words. Thus, I’ll let the photos speak for themselves.

Volunteer activities on the other hand were extra events I engaged in that mostly involve cultural stuff, whether it’s promoting a festival, ancient fortress or k-pop concerts. It’s my way of being cultured that doesn’t involve a visit to some boring museums. Also it’s an opportunity to meet new people and widen my social connection as well. I’ve got most of my free tickets to exclusive events from all the friends I’ve met during these volunteer events, J And another amazing thing is, trust me, you are SURELY bound to meet someone from KGSP during these activities. You’ll be surprised how such a small world it is when you meet new people and find out how they are connected to at least one person you know because of KGSP.

So aside from those things, what else have I added to my plate? Yes, bible study. The closest people who know me are aware that I’m not really the religious type. I mean, I go to church on MOST, not every Sundays, but was never the bible-reading person. Of course, I do pray but that doesn’t mean I meticulously follow our religious tradition.

But what made me attend this group? See, our group is a mixture of religion-Islam, Catholic and Christian and others. It’s not about the religion; it’s more about personal faith which I believe I’ve always had. I don’t even remember the last time I read the bible, but after attending our bible study, everything came back to me, especially the bible stories I used to learn in Sunday church when I was young. And the most important thing about the people in this group is the fellowship. They are people who cared about connecting with you rather than converting you.

My faith is something that I’ve always kept as personal. I never strictly followed any religious ritual except prayer. And truth be told my personal beliefs are not even rooted to any particular doctrine, they are simply rooted in me through the experiences I accumulated through life. That’s why I get offended when people automatically associate certain decisions with religion. It’s not always the case that religion has something to do why a person won’t engage in a certain act. It’s just simply her prerogative.

Featured Soundtrack: Fix You- Coldplay

So the big question now is, how do I even get to do all those things? Where do I find time to balance school, work, travel, volunteer and bible study? Honestly, it was not easy especially since I also have to find time to meet my closest friends since they don’t easily fit in in the regular schedule. Balancing everything so they don’t all collapse on you was the toughest challenge that I had to deal with for the last remaining month of the year. There were days that I had to go offline to find time for myself, days when I simply collapse in bed as soon as I enter the house, days when I even have to remind myself to breath, lol.

Featured Soundtrack: Superman- Five for Fighting

And was all of it worth it? The answer is simply YES. I matured amidst confusion. My exhaustion afforded me to value and appreciate the things I used to take for granted. Suddenly even the simplest things gave me so much happiness. Finding at least one free day in your planner is like winning a lottery. Now, I look forward to retiring in my bed at night and being reunited with my pillows after a long day as if they’re long-lost friends that I missed the whole day. I learned to appreciate the warmth of the sunshine on a perfect day, especially when it passes through my windows. I found comfort by just simply lying on the campus lawn alone with my thoughts, letting my mind freely wander without the pressure of school and work. Needless to say, I only realized the value of time when I’m always running after it.

Featured Soundtrack; Taeyeon- I

It’s not only the value of time that the craziness of my timetable taught me. It also taught me the real value of friendship. It is during your busiest days that you learn two things about your friends- who  are gonna make time for you and who are you willing to make time for. 

No one is always busy, it’s just a matter of priority. That’s the reason why I always make it a point to attend every birthday, unplanned meet-ups and coffee sessions.

My weekends are usually reserved for sleepovers. My house became a shelter for those refuge friends wanting to escape the countryside, lol. It was transformed into a guesthouse the moment my girls realized how fun PJ parties can be.

Featured Soundtrack: We like to Party- Bigbang

So, when people ask where do I get time? My answer is, I MAKE time for people who matter. 

But of course, not everything is perfect, there have been a few commitments here and there that I wasn’t able to keep and I do feel sorry for those times. There were circumstances beyond my control that forced me to break some promises but that doesn’t mean I didn’t value those people.  Realistically, some things just have to give. Of course, juggling everything also means I cannot be my 100% all the time.

My balancing act also brought new self-discoveries. It made me sort out my feelings for the people whom I thought I originally wanted in my life and those whom I can simply live without. It also set up new boundaries for how much am I willing to care, to share and to love. It gave me an opportunity to test myself in finding out what I really want and not what others think is good for me. The mixture of the new and the old people who wanted a space in my life became a chance for me to really see who’s willing to battle it out to stick with you through the toughest of times. Of course, it wasn’t an easy ride, there were some tears involved but as always, I charged them to experience.

Featured Soundtrack: Iris- The Goo Goo Dolls

• Some flames just don’t die. Time and distance would never be a barrier if someone truly loves you. They would always be willing to defy the time and space limit just to be with you. What’s an eight-hour train ride when you’re chasing something that’s important to you?

Featured Soundtrack:  The Man Who Can’t Be Moved- The Script

• Always give people a choice.  You’re lucky if they always choose to stay beside you but if the time comes for them to heal and leave, let them go. Let them find their own happiness even if it means forgetting their feelings for you.

Featured Soundtrack: Last Request- Paolo Nutini

•  Be clear and honest. Never set people’s expectations up and give false hope. There’s nothing more painful than thinking you’re halfway in winning the race only to find out the winner had been declared even before the race started. That’s because there’s not even a race, there was never a competition.

Featured Soundtrack: Beautiful Goodbye- Maroon 5

• Never lie to yourself when it comes to your feelings. You can never cheat your way out of love. It would be a losing battle once you try to fight it. You can choose to ignore it, but it always has a way of haunting you back. So learn to face it and deal with it.

Featured Soundtrack: True Love- Pink Feat. Lily Allen

• There are all kinds of love in this world but never the same love twice. –F. Scott Fitzgerald. You can never replicate the connection you had with someone before by investing your feelings to someone new. Every relationship that we had with each people in our lives would always be unique. They can make the same joke but it doesn’t mean they can elicit the same laughter.

Featured Soundtrack: Stolen- Dashboard Confessional

• Give yourself a chance for a new beginning. The moment you stop trying to chase after the wrong things is the time when you let the right things to catch you. And you’ll be surprised at how many good things are willing to catch you if you only let yourself fall.

Featured Soundtrack: Give Your Heart a Break- Glee                                               

This year has brought about good endings and new beginnings. It has been the most challenging year for me, one thing is for sure though, 2015 would be one of those years that I would certainly enjoy looking back to. But for now, let me look forward to this coming year with much hope, love and happiness.

Featured Soundtrack: Closing Time- Semisonic

Cheers to an amazing 2016 ahead!